i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
