Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize