I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
