Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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