This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
