and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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