your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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