My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
