he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
