Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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