Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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