Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize