By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
