how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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