I CAN MOONWALK!
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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