Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
