i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
