I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
