It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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