he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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