Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
