I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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