why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
