I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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