Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
