Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I can't trust your balls anymore.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
