You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
