I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
