The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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