Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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