as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
