oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize