And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
