If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
