Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
