Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
