to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
