I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Randomize
