Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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