Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Is her dick bigger than yours?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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