Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
