I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
