I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You pole danced in your parka.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize