I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
