awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
