She went from zero to smokin in five shots
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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