i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
