She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
