i need an iv and a liver transplant
Can Purell be used as lube?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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