the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
