you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
