they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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