WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Randomize
