HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
