Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
