Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
