you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
