is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
