Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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