mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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