i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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