Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize