I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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