I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
