you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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