Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
