Me too!
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
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