ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
