Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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