My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
