It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
