but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
