Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
