we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
