Fine. I'll sleep in my office
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
