i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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