Its about making memories worth repressing
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
