Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
