she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
