Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
