Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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