You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I didn't notice because vodka
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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