Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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