I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
