Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize