you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
