we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
