I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
