we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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