??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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