we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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