Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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