I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
