I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
