guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
