i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
