what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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