We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
