She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
