I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
