You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
