i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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