In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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