I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
