WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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