yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
