If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Tornado booty call.. dedication
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
