apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
