fuck your aforementioned shoe
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
