You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
