I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
