i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
