I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
