This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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